Gangsta' Snails

Kori had a variety of pets throughout her life. It was difficult for her to walk into a pet store and come out empty-handed. ******************************************************************** In July of 2022, Kori talked me into letting her get a couple of snails to add to her already-existing fish tank. I never could say "no" to her. She'd bat those big, beautiful hazel eyes at me, and somehow, whatever she wanted usually ended up coming home with us. ******************************************************************** She named the snails Lucky Luciano and Al Capone. Naturally. ******************************************************************** Before she bought them, we were assured that they were both the same sex, so we didn't give much thought to the possibility of having a snail family. Until one morning, when Kori came into my room looking concerned. She showed me the underside of the aquarium lid. It was covered with what looked like a crusty, demented honeycomb. We were both completely grossed out. A little research revealed that the disgusting-looking things were eggs. Hundreds of them. Apparently, these particular snails possess both male and female reproductive organs, which meant our supposedly same-sex pair had apparently decided to start a family. There were detailed instructions online explaining how to remove the eggs from the lid. I found an old spatula to donate to the cause. We held the aquarium lid over the toilet, and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with what came next. Kori insisted that she couldn't do it alone, so I reluctantly held the lid while she began scraping. ******************************************************************** We were both horrified. Every scrape made our gag reflexes kick in, which naturally made us laugh even harder. The more disgusting it became, the harder it was to stop laughing. Eventually, Kori decided she wanted to get rid of the snails entirely. I encouraged her to flush them. But Kori had a heart that was simply too big for that. She couldn't do it. So the Mafia snail family remained. In fact, Kori eventually bought more. Carlo Gambino and Frankie Costello joined Lucky Luciano and Al Capone, and before long, Kori had quite the collection of Mafia snails. Eventually, though, the snails began dying off until only the boss remained. Lucky Luciano. Kori never again asked me to help remove snail eggs. She explained that the two of us trying to do it together had only made things worse because of all the gagging and laughing. ******************************************************************** Then came another adventure. Kori had the opportunity to spend the summer with my good friend Sara and her family on Whidbey Island, Washington. She loved it so much that her planned three-month stay turned into something much longer. She didn't come home until Thanksgiving. ********************************************************************* Before leaving, Kori had to get everything in order, including her pets. I was more than willing to take care of her two cats. But I drew the line at Luciano. I told her she needed to find somewhere else for him to go. Kori procrastinated. Of course. About a week before she was supposed to leave, she still hadn't figured out what to do with the snail. The problem was that there weren't many options. I wasn't willing to keep him. Kori couldn't bring herself to flush him. And neither of us felt particularly good about throwing him in the trash. So we came up with a solution. A terrible solution. But a solution nonetheless. ******************************************************************** We put Luciano in a small, clear plastic container and punched holes in the lid. Then we took him to PetSmart. On the shelves were Betta fish, each one sitting in its own little clear container. With me acting as lookout, Kori took Luciano's container out of her jacket pocket and carefully placed him on the shelf behind the Betta fish. And then we hauled ass out of there. I don't know how we managed to get out of the store without bursting into laughter. We had to repeatedly stifle ourselves the entire time. We had just abandoned a Mafia snail at PetSmart. Looking back, I have absolutely no idea whether Luciano was ever discovered or what happened to him after that. But I do know that Kori had successfully found him a new home where, as far as we were concerned... He was left to swim with the fishes. And somehow, that seemed like the perfect ending for the boss of the Mafia snail family. ******************************************************************** Looking Back... Of all the memories I have of Kori, some of my favorites are the ones that make absolutely no sense. We weren't trying to create a special memory that day. We were just trying to figure out what to do with a snail. And somehow, my daughter and I ended up committing a miniature aquarium heist at PetSmart while trying not to laugh. That was Kori. She had a way of turning even the strangest, most ridiculous situations into an adventure. And I would give anything to hear her laugh about Luciano again.

******************************************************************************************************** “We don’t laugh because we’re happy. We are happy because we laugh.” -quote by: William James